Post by Admin on Jun 24, 2014 21:59:39 GMT -6
Hello, everyone. I know you're probably wondering why the administrator would post something like this, but this board is an open community; I plan to fully utilize it, regardless of what others have to say/think about that.
First off, I am not high/superior-minded, but please, refer to me as "G". That's my nickname; not any sweet/sour little words floating in the back of your head, whichever "head" that may be. In my present mental state, all that name-calling/sweet talk is v-e-r-y intolerable.
...
My life, as I know it, has taken a serious downfall. Some of it (and I can be honest) is my doing; I'm not afraid to admit that unlike some people. For eighteen years (don't even think/mention anything about Kanye West/Jaime Foxx), I have physically, mentally and socially deteriorated. It's come to the point where I am unable to trust anyone, not even myself half the time because I, your admin, feel that I am an endangerment. Everything I touch ... dies in due time.
Yes, as I stated before, I have a mental problem that a lot of people REFUSE to understand where I'm going when I say that.
I died at birth and was successfully revived; unfortunately, that caused mental damage to the fetus (me). Yes, I was lucky enough to be revived ..., but I regretted it. Nothing but broken dreams, heartache, lies and fabrications, stress, dementia, violation (in every way imaginable), and the biggest one of all --- solitude.
No, I can't "get out and go places; do something with yourself". Don't feed me that superficial, disgruntled line --- you will get BLASTED, if you do.
When I try to "do something with myself" or "go places" ..., I'm unwanted. I'm forgotten. I'm left behind. I'm abandoned. A relic of the past, discarded and trashed because I'm not good enough, I don't meet the standards of modern society, and my "quality" is unsatisfactory.
I've been off my medication for several years now, which doesn't help my overall mental stability. My support system (the only I have) is separated from me; a far distant sight, unseen, untouchable, but wanted --- deeply, d-e-e-p-l-y wanted. I try holding on for them, but I'm growing tired. Mentally, I'm falling apart, bit by emotional bit, and I really can't take much more on my end. It gets harder and harder everyday, especially during these times, to keep waking up and trying to make it through the day. In the end, I always fail and find myself right back in the same spot I was when I woke up: unchanged and dissatisfied.
I don't say this often to my inner circle, but I hate --- and I repeat, HATE --- who I am and what I've become. Every night I'm on the phone, I try my hardest to be fun, outgoing and supportive, especially to my boyfriend who I love with all my heart and soul. Despite the lack of a romantic relationship due to my personal shortcomings, I still love him; unfortunately, that's hard to believe when you're s-o far apart ... and everyone ... E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E ... makes you doubt your relationship. It happens on both ends, I just don't talk about my situation that much because I'm not self-absorbed or whiny. (I was raised by a bunch of hard-asses, so if you're offended, I apologize.)
Oh, just recently, I learned something: my emotions don't matter. They're not "good enough". They're unwanted. When I show my emotions to people, it's "awkward" and "not a good time," quote on quote. But it's o-k-a-y ... TO FLIRT WITH M-Y SIGNIFICANT OTHER BEHIND M-Y BACK LIKE SOME CHEAP PERVERTED, UNFAITHFUL, INSATIABLE, D-I-S-G-U-S-T-I-N-G W-H-O-R-E ............................... I'm not amused, tight pants.
I often hear confessions about self-mutilation and harm. I've been doing that lately myself ... It doesn't help; it just makes you feel worse. I started cutting my legs today, and at first it hurt, but then ... the pain just went away. I didn't feel much after that. I was too lost in the moment, especially since I was having a nervous breakdown during today's rain/thunderstorm. I used to enjoy the rain, but now --- it just reminds me of everything that slipped through my fingers.
My confidence level ... Well. That's non-existent.
I never had someone to teach me how to be confident. The only thing I learned from people is: you're only good for sex and storage. I bet you're wondering why I used the term "storage". Well. Allow me to explain that ... The meaning behind that term, in this case, is: putting up with bullshit, without a fuss or a fight.
Men, women, if you're easily offended, stop reading right here. What I have to say is not pretty, AT ... A-L-L. Every single person I've involved myself with has done nothing but feed me drama. Unfaithfulness. Macabre. Deranged mentality. Superficiality. Justifications. Clarifications. Blame. Accusations. Greed. Self-indulgence. Pity. Arrogance. Conceit. Their responsibilities. Separation and disappointment! And the worst of them all: heartbreak.
Everybody's always worried about who's "fucking" who. Who's "breaking bread" (whatever the hell that's supposed to mean). Who's driving what car and what model/year it is; who lives where and in what; who works where and how much they make; who's successful so I can mooch off them and use my sexual parts to keep them trapped (yes, if this is about you, get mad; I want you to --- it makes me s-m-i-l-e
). But hey, don't feel blue. I have a solution:
Sexual dismemberment.
No, not death; that's the easy way out. Coward.
The trick is to get rid of e-v-e-r-y little thing that makes them "feel good". First: you start by ripping out the tongue; so never they'll think about/desire licking another person, or shoving their tongue down someone's throat ever again. Second: crush the teeth/jawbone; so they'll never yap their d-i-s-g-u-s-t-i-n-g mouths to others, insult another person, OR SPREAD RUMORS ABOUT SHIT THAT HAPPENED YEARS AGO LIKE A BUNCH OF F-U-C-K-I-N-G ... I-M-M-A-T-U-R-E ... P-I-E-C-E-S ...O-F ... S-H-I-T! ... Third: gouge out their eyes; so they'll never undress another person and visually rape them with their disgusting thoughts e-v-e-r a-g-a-i-n. Next: chop off their hands; so they never have the pleasure of touching themselves, other people or things, violating them and thinking it's "okay" because of some bullshit excuse (yes, that's right; no more masturbation, no more foreplay [forced or mutual]). After that: crush, crumble and rip out the sexual organs/appendages; no more penetration, no more sex, no more pleasure, no more molestation, no more rape, no more cheating on your spouse because you feel like you can, no more fantasizing, no more making babies and allowing them to grow-up and become misguided adults because mommy/daddy wanted to go be a S-L-U-T instead of raise their child/children. None of that. It's gone. Over. Done with ... History. Now, kindly turn them around, and perform the following: jam a knife into their spinal cord and s-h-a-t-t-e-r it to PIECES with a good twist! Afterwards, leave them lying there, and watch their bloody corpse o-o-z-e a pretty crimson onto the floors ... oh so nicely ... oh so wonderfully ... Be sure to sew up their little sexual hole and their eye sockets while you're at it; wouldn't want them bleeding to death too quickly.
Oh, and don't bother touching the ears. Let them keep their ears; so every single time their hear someone laughing at their fucking, disgusting image, every time someone whacks them with a stick out of enjoyment because it "feels good," they'll sit down and think about how b-l-i-n-d they were. How many times they violated, defiled and scarred people with their filthy hands, their corrupted eyes, their slimy tongues, their rusty feet, and their d-i-s-e-a-s-e-d cocks and pussies! Wallowing in freakish, unfathomable, abominable, grotesque, macabre and mortifying misery for their rest of their pathetic LIVES ... that are "s-o important" and "s-o much worse than everyone else's". You want to compete and ruin other's lives in the process --- FINE! I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING "SPECIAL" TO COMPETE WITH!
...
And don't give me that half-minded, ignorant trash talk because you're offended. This is reality. Wake up and smell the flowers that YOU took a piss and a shit on. YOU brought this upon yourself. YOU are the reason behind the change. And YOU will deal with it --- "whether you like it or not".
Sounds familiar? It should.
...
And don't feed me any of that "behind the computer screen" BULLSHIT that most people like spitting. It's old. Be innovative. Come up with some new material. Oh, but that's not likely to happen because I've heard, seen, felt, smelled, tasted and endure everything. Whether it be from the deepest depths of your bleeding soul, to the highest peaks of your superficial, uneducated and self-absorbed mind ..., just like people say to me a-l-l ... t-h-e ... t-i-m-e --- "it's not good enough". And killing me won't change a thing; I'll just haunt you in the afterlife and make you commit suicide "because I feel like it". "It's on the to-do list," quote on quote.
Oh, and for the record: poltergeists and supernatural activity have been proven real. And be warned: that medium, Catholic and "Oh God, be at my side" bullshit doesn't work. There's not enough faith in this world anymore; it died the moment your ancestors dropped their pants and gave rise to your forefathers, foremothers, other family members and you. So save all that for someone who still believes the-king-ratchet-on-high sipping on tea and munching on cookies while the world DIES is going to save them from criminality, contradiction, ignorance, perversion, and/or intentional self-infliction.
...
"Um, something's wrong with this person. I think I need to leave." You'll be doing me a favor. Get out. Please and thank you.
Yes, you're right. I do have a mental problem, and I've come to terms with that. I'm not the same person I used to be, and frankly I don't want to be. I'm tired of being hurt, used, abused, blame, criticized, left behind and forgotten. That's LIFE; when you fuck around with people, it happens. This is monster that YOU created. This is a monster that YOU wanted to see born; to see breathe; to see become a destructive force the world has never known and will never know again. This isn't a threat; this isn't a promise; this isn't a warning; and this isn't a lie: the next person to piss me off ... DIES; in the aforementioned method or w-o-r-s-e ...
...
Well. That was a lot off my plate
. I'm starting to feel better now ... sort of.
Writing my pain out helps me cope with life. This is one of the reasons why my team members and I started this board. It's a community not just for our story, but for everyone in general. I know I scared a few of you off, but that was a little exercise to give you a better understanding of what I mean when I say "community" (and to get bitches off this board because I'm sick of dealing with them LMAO XD).
We're here to help each other. We're here to listen; to open up to one another, so we won't feel like we're "alone".
The title says "the Undying Chronicles" for a reason: this site isn't just about our story; it's about yours as well <3.
I shared my pain, my discomfort, my inner demons, a portion of my life story, and my innermost rage and "a little sip of insanity" (lol). That's a lot for someone you just met/read about online. But trust me, exercises like that really help (and are for the open-minded; NOT the ignorant).
I'm normally online during the daytime and sometimes at night, but when I'm not, I'm not gone forever. PM me and I'll respond ASAP.
Thank you all, and if I haven't said it before: Welcome to the Undying Chronicles <3.
First off, I am not high/superior-minded, but please, refer to me as "G". That's my nickname; not any sweet/sour little words floating in the back of your head, whichever "head" that may be. In my present mental state, all that name-calling/sweet talk is v-e-r-y intolerable.
...
My life, as I know it, has taken a serious downfall. Some of it (and I can be honest) is my doing; I'm not afraid to admit that unlike some people. For eighteen years (don't even think/mention anything about Kanye West/Jaime Foxx), I have physically, mentally and socially deteriorated. It's come to the point where I am unable to trust anyone, not even myself half the time because I, your admin, feel that I am an endangerment. Everything I touch ... dies in due time.
Yes, as I stated before, I have a mental problem that a lot of people REFUSE to understand where I'm going when I say that.
I died at birth and was successfully revived; unfortunately, that caused mental damage to the fetus (me). Yes, I was lucky enough to be revived ..., but I regretted it. Nothing but broken dreams, heartache, lies and fabrications, stress, dementia, violation (in every way imaginable), and the biggest one of all --- solitude.
No, I can't "get out and go places; do something with yourself". Don't feed me that superficial, disgruntled line --- you will get BLASTED, if you do.
When I try to "do something with myself" or "go places" ..., I'm unwanted. I'm forgotten. I'm left behind. I'm abandoned. A relic of the past, discarded and trashed because I'm not good enough, I don't meet the standards of modern society, and my "quality" is unsatisfactory.
I've been off my medication for several years now, which doesn't help my overall mental stability. My support system (the only I have) is separated from me; a far distant sight, unseen, untouchable, but wanted --- deeply, d-e-e-p-l-y wanted. I try holding on for them, but I'm growing tired. Mentally, I'm falling apart, bit by emotional bit, and I really can't take much more on my end. It gets harder and harder everyday, especially during these times, to keep waking up and trying to make it through the day. In the end, I always fail and find myself right back in the same spot I was when I woke up: unchanged and dissatisfied.
I don't say this often to my inner circle, but I hate --- and I repeat, HATE --- who I am and what I've become. Every night I'm on the phone, I try my hardest to be fun, outgoing and supportive, especially to my boyfriend who I love with all my heart and soul. Despite the lack of a romantic relationship due to my personal shortcomings, I still love him; unfortunately, that's hard to believe when you're s-o far apart ... and everyone ... E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E ... makes you doubt your relationship. It happens on both ends, I just don't talk about my situation that much because I'm not self-absorbed or whiny. (I was raised by a bunch of hard-asses, so if you're offended, I apologize.)
Oh, just recently, I learned something: my emotions don't matter. They're not "good enough". They're unwanted. When I show my emotions to people, it's "awkward" and "not a good time," quote on quote. But it's o-k-a-y ... TO FLIRT WITH M-Y SIGNIFICANT OTHER BEHIND M-Y BACK LIKE SOME CHEAP PERVERTED, UNFAITHFUL, INSATIABLE, D-I-S-G-U-S-T-I-N-G W-H-O-R-E ............................... I'm not amused, tight pants.
I often hear confessions about self-mutilation and harm. I've been doing that lately myself ... It doesn't help; it just makes you feel worse. I started cutting my legs today, and at first it hurt, but then ... the pain just went away. I didn't feel much after that. I was too lost in the moment, especially since I was having a nervous breakdown during today's rain/thunderstorm. I used to enjoy the rain, but now --- it just reminds me of everything that slipped through my fingers.
My confidence level ... Well. That's non-existent.
I never had someone to teach me how to be confident. The only thing I learned from people is: you're only good for sex and storage. I bet you're wondering why I used the term "storage". Well. Allow me to explain that ... The meaning behind that term, in this case, is: putting up with bullshit, without a fuss or a fight.
Men, women, if you're easily offended, stop reading right here. What I have to say is not pretty, AT ... A-L-L. Every single person I've involved myself with has done nothing but feed me drama. Unfaithfulness. Macabre. Deranged mentality. Superficiality. Justifications. Clarifications. Blame. Accusations. Greed. Self-indulgence. Pity. Arrogance. Conceit. Their responsibilities. Separation and disappointment! And the worst of them all: heartbreak.
Everybody's always worried about who's "fucking" who. Who's "breaking bread" (whatever the hell that's supposed to mean). Who's driving what car and what model/year it is; who lives where and in what; who works where and how much they make; who's successful so I can mooch off them and use my sexual parts to keep them trapped (yes, if this is about you, get mad; I want you to --- it makes me s-m-i-l-e
). But hey, don't feel blue. I have a solution:Sexual dismemberment.
No, not death; that's the easy way out. Coward.
The trick is to get rid of e-v-e-r-y little thing that makes them "feel good". First: you start by ripping out the tongue; so never they'll think about/desire licking another person, or shoving their tongue down someone's throat ever again. Second: crush the teeth/jawbone; so they'll never yap their d-i-s-g-u-s-t-i-n-g mouths to others, insult another person, OR SPREAD RUMORS ABOUT SHIT THAT HAPPENED YEARS AGO LIKE A BUNCH OF F-U-C-K-I-N-G ... I-M-M-A-T-U-R-E ... P-I-E-C-E-S ...O-F ... S-H-I-T! ... Third: gouge out their eyes; so they'll never undress another person and visually rape them with their disgusting thoughts e-v-e-r a-g-a-i-n. Next: chop off their hands; so they never have the pleasure of touching themselves, other people or things, violating them and thinking it's "okay" because of some bullshit excuse (yes, that's right; no more masturbation, no more foreplay [forced or mutual]). After that: crush, crumble and rip out the sexual organs/appendages; no more penetration, no more sex, no more pleasure, no more molestation, no more rape, no more cheating on your spouse because you feel like you can, no more fantasizing, no more making babies and allowing them to grow-up and become misguided adults because mommy/daddy wanted to go be a S-L-U-T instead of raise their child/children. None of that. It's gone. Over. Done with ... History. Now, kindly turn them around, and perform the following: jam a knife into their spinal cord and s-h-a-t-t-e-r it to PIECES with a good twist! Afterwards, leave them lying there, and watch their bloody corpse o-o-z-e a pretty crimson onto the floors ... oh so nicely ... oh so wonderfully ... Be sure to sew up their little sexual hole and their eye sockets while you're at it; wouldn't want them bleeding to death too quickly.
Oh, and don't bother touching the ears. Let them keep their ears; so every single time their hear someone laughing at their fucking, disgusting image, every time someone whacks them with a stick out of enjoyment because it "feels good," they'll sit down and think about how b-l-i-n-d they were. How many times they violated, defiled and scarred people with their filthy hands, their corrupted eyes, their slimy tongues, their rusty feet, and their d-i-s-e-a-s-e-d cocks and pussies! Wallowing in freakish, unfathomable, abominable, grotesque, macabre and mortifying misery for their rest of their pathetic LIVES ... that are "s-o important" and "s-o much worse than everyone else's". You want to compete and ruin other's lives in the process --- FINE! I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING "SPECIAL" TO COMPETE WITH!
...
And don't give me that half-minded, ignorant trash talk because you're offended. This is reality. Wake up and smell the flowers that YOU took a piss and a shit on. YOU brought this upon yourself. YOU are the reason behind the change. And YOU will deal with it --- "whether you like it or not".
Sounds familiar? It should.
...
And don't feed me any of that "behind the computer screen" BULLSHIT that most people like spitting. It's old. Be innovative. Come up with some new material. Oh, but that's not likely to happen because I've heard, seen, felt, smelled, tasted and endure everything. Whether it be from the deepest depths of your bleeding soul, to the highest peaks of your superficial, uneducated and self-absorbed mind ..., just like people say to me a-l-l ... t-h-e ... t-i-m-e --- "it's not good enough". And killing me won't change a thing; I'll just haunt you in the afterlife and make you commit suicide "because I feel like it". "It's on the to-do list," quote on quote.
Oh, and for the record: poltergeists and supernatural activity have been proven real. And be warned: that medium, Catholic and "Oh God, be at my side" bullshit doesn't work. There's not enough faith in this world anymore; it died the moment your ancestors dropped their pants and gave rise to your forefathers, foremothers, other family members and you. So save all that for someone who still believes the-king-ratchet-on-high sipping on tea and munching on cookies while the world DIES is going to save them from criminality, contradiction, ignorance, perversion, and/or intentional self-infliction.
...
"Um, something's wrong with this person. I think I need to leave." You'll be doing me a favor. Get out. Please and thank you.
Yes, you're right. I do have a mental problem, and I've come to terms with that. I'm not the same person I used to be, and frankly I don't want to be. I'm tired of being hurt, used, abused, blame, criticized, left behind and forgotten. That's LIFE; when you fuck around with people, it happens. This is monster that YOU created. This is a monster that YOU wanted to see born; to see breathe; to see become a destructive force the world has never known and will never know again. This isn't a threat; this isn't a promise; this isn't a warning; and this isn't a lie: the next person to piss me off ... DIES; in the aforementioned method or w-o-r-s-e ...
...
Well. That was a lot off my plate
. I'm starting to feel better now ... sort of.Writing my pain out helps me cope with life. This is one of the reasons why my team members and I started this board. It's a community not just for our story, but for everyone in general. I know I scared a few of you off, but that was a little exercise to give you a better understanding of what I mean when I say "community" (and to get bitches off this board because I'm sick of dealing with them LMAO XD).
We're here to help each other. We're here to listen; to open up to one another, so we won't feel like we're "alone".
The title says "the Undying Chronicles" for a reason: this site isn't just about our story; it's about yours as well <3.
I shared my pain, my discomfort, my inner demons, a portion of my life story, and my innermost rage and "a little sip of insanity" (lol). That's a lot for someone you just met/read about online. But trust me, exercises like that really help (and are for the open-minded; NOT the ignorant).
I'm normally online during the daytime and sometimes at night, but when I'm not, I'm not gone forever. PM me and I'll respond ASAP.
Thank you all, and if I haven't said it before: Welcome to the Undying Chronicles <3.
